ask for help

Last week, one of my sons realized that he had turned in the wrong thing on two assignments, resulting in him having three assignments in one day. He had not even tried to turn in the correct thing, ignoring the directions. So I had the fun of re-learning statistics math for several hours on a very beautiful afternoon.

It was good time with him; definitely our best time doing math together (and there have been many bad times prior lol), but I was astonished at how upset he was to ask for help. I asked why he just turned in whatever ("crap" was my word of choice just to keep it real) and asked why he didn't ask for help if he didn't understand the assignment.

"I am supposed to be independent!" he cried.

I explained to him that he will always need to ask for help - always. I told him I have to ask for help. We talked to his dad about how he has to ask for help at work.

The thing is, I get it. I HATE to ask for help. Vehemently hate it. It's an internal burden - mostly out of not wanting to burden others or seem like I can't do it all (when others seem to be doing it all).

In my son's anguish, I came to a conclusion (or God put this conclusion in my head): asking for help is a sign of maturity NOT weakness. It is weak - pride, even - to think we don't need help. If this were the case, as the American dream would have us believe, why did Christ say it was better for Him to ascend to heaven, sending us the Helper? If we don't need help (or shouldn't need help), why do we need the Spirit?

And why did God, in His all-knowing, make the church to be a body working together, using various gifts and talents (1 Corinthians 12:12)? If I am not able to do all things all alone in the body of Christ, why do I expect to do so in my day-to-day life?

When my son with the math woes was a preschooler, I wanted to homeschool him. Then we got his autism diagnosis and I realized I was way out of my league trying to teach him certain things. God gifted us a terrific teacher his first year and a half at school. She was gifted in ways I was not/am not. I know those years blessed us far beyond my son learning to write his name, jump over a candle stick, or tie his shoes (although those were all tremendous accomplishments). She poured into him and me and that blessing goes on today.

But I spent many years feeling ashamed and guilty that I couldn't homeschool my son. I didn't realize that allowing her to use her giftings as a teacher was a blessing to her (don't we all want to use our gifts and talents?), too. And just because I wasn't my son's teacher, I still had a role to play as his mother. That was - and is - my best role.

I often forget that asking for help often is a blessing for both parties. When I need someone to babysit my kids, that can be a blessing to them. Maybe it gives them some free time because our kids play so well together. Maybe they needed to braid some girl hair that day. Maybe they needed to snuggle a baby that day. Maybe they just needed to feel good about doing something for someone else. Isn't that how I feel when I get the opportunity to help?

Blessed to be useful. Yes.

Stop thinking, brothers and sisters, that you need to hustle and be all and be independent! The Lord calls us to depend on Him (He is the vine, we are the branches) AND to be interdependent on one another! Let the body be the body and praise God that we have so many with so many differing talents and gifts to call upon. Praise God in all his wisdom!

PS I've really been meaning to write this for about a week now. I would love to be posting multiple times a week, once a week even, but with four kids home (and three who don't take naps), my time is very limited at this time. But I was reminded by a sweet gal this weekend that being their mama is my main job right now. It's a good job and I really do love it, so forgive me for not being regular but please do keep checking back for more material as I get the time. 

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