S Club Mama

I'm so excited! We fly back to Nebraska for our "vacation" on Saturday. It can't come soon enough. I have no idea when I'm going to pack. I have no idea how we'll see everyone. We told Big A's mom that we'd be in T-town where they live at the beginning of the week (Big A has a road rally - sort of a scavenger hunt with cars - that Sunday 6 miles from T-town so it's only logical to start there). She told us today that she'd taken Thursday off. We told her when we'd be there weeks ago. In the words of my best friend, "WTF?" So now we've had to change all of our plans and instead of being in T-town Sunday (which doesn't count bc it'll be road rally all day for Big A) through Tuesday, going to my parents' Tuesday - Wednesday, and coming back to Kansas City on Thursday (or Wednesday night?)...it's going to be Sun-Mon T-town, Mon night - Wed night A-town (where I'm from), Wed night - Thurs afternoon T-town, then ...

Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop is pretty amazing. I haven't written one or followed for a long time (my bad), but I know it's great and fun and wonderful (especially for me who sometimes has a very hard time coming up with blog material). Click on the link to check it out for yourself. The topic I chose for today is... 1.) Somebody I'm praying for.... is one of the boys that live here in our home, S (I'll keep his real name hidden to protect him). Now, if you haven't been following me (and I don't blame you...I'm sorry it's boring a lot), I am currently residing and working at a group home-type facility. It's not a lockdown place or anything; the kids that live here have a relative amount of freedom to come and go as they have privileges. Anyway, this boy, S, has had a really hard life. He is the product of a rape and he knows it. I'm not sure how this information was revealed to him and it saddens me to no end that he knows that's why...

Things seemed to be getting better when the kid that was the pain in my butt left last Friday. But then everything else is just eating at me. I feel like our supervisor has not said one encouraging thing all month, that the administration is SO worked up over the licensing people coming this week that it's just been gripe after gripe. And they aren't said in nice, constructive ways. No, it just seems like yell and mean emails and do this this this this and this. I'm sorry, I think just because the licensing group is coming, we should NOT be running around with our head's cut off. The stuff that needs to be done for them, should have been getting done all along, not all in the previous week. And the more I learn about how other houses are ran, the more I'm convinced that our supervisor does not know a THING about her job. We have to talk to the other alternates about problems, instead of her. We have one alternate who will leave his shift for 3-5 hours at a time, and...

happy birthday to me happy birthday to me happy birthday dear me... happy birthday to me Presents: flowers (from my sister) homemade card (from Big A & Moose) dessert and time from LJ (thanks so much!) phone calls from family and a friend (thanks Tessi!) Favorite present: My card. Big A wrote happy birthday Mommy & Lovely and then Moose scribbled all over it! Best car I ever got! And last night, I got to share the gospel with one of our boys. And one who needs it (I mean, doesn't everyone?). I hope the seed was planted on good soil. :) So thank you, God, for an awesome early birthday present.

I see you!!! Moose loves to look through his legs at people. If you look at him and go "peek," he just giggles. It's so sweet. Excuse the ouchie on his nose; he fell off these small stairs at his doctor's office. The scab is gone but the tip of his nose is still red. Happy Friday!

Moose is in love with this story. For me, it's a walk down memory lane straight back to Kindergarten. I remember sitting on the carpet while my teacher read this to us. And now, I LOVE to read it to Moose. It's so fun with its "skit skat skoodle doot, flip flop flee." And not that Moose knows his alphabet, but I love to read it because I think it will help him out some day when I am teaching him. For now, we just love the colors and words and fun fun fun of the book. If you've never read it, please go to your local library to check it out. If you remember it from your glory days, please read it to your kids (or grandkids or neighbor kids or siblings...or to yourself).

This weekend, the girls and Big A and Moose and I went to DC. We shared Jessica's camera so when I get pictures, I'll post them. Let's just say I had a blast. I wish 48 hours were longer. I wish I didn't have to go back to work. But this was THE most relaxed I've been in almost 2 months, so it sucks that much more to go back to stressful work. But only Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday before we have our next day off. But then we have the weekend all by ourselves (yay). So just wanted to keep asking for your prayers and hope you had a great weekend. If I can be praying for you in any way, please ask.

Tonight I started having stomach pains and more the contraction kind than the flu kind. Of course, I can't say if it was contractions, Braxton Hicks, or what. But my instincts tell me that it wasn't good. And that it's just getting to be too much. I can't even tell you of the amazing fear I have that I'm going to get too stressed, go into VERY early labor, and the baby either won't make it or will be hurt severely. It's frustrating because in this economy, you can't just up and leave a job. And there are good points to this job - very sweet boys who are just teenagers, but nothing more frustrating than not studying or not doing a chore or whatever. But then there are "the girls" (yeah, I said it on my blog, Laura lol) who just push and push and push and etc. It's an overload. But I don't know what to do.

I am SO excited! This weekend two of our good, good friends, Jessica and Kate, are coming for a visit. And we have tomorrow and Sunday off so...we're going to DC! Now, I have been to DC before but...for 8 hours so completely whirlwind! And we're going to the zoo!!!! I cannot tell you how excited I am! Because you know what's at the zoo? Panda bears, GIANT Panda Bears!!! It's totally on my bucket list to see a panda before I die, so I will be really sad if they aren't out tomorrow. They are possibly God's most beautiful creatures! But we must get past this busy day first. Moose has an ENT appointment to check his tubes, we pick the girls up at noon-ish, and then we'll have to be up until midnight until the boys go to bed (boo on the last one). Yeah, I'm psyched!

I did not find out the gender! I'm not that sneaky. Plus, it seriously felt 80 degrees in there with no air so I about passed out or threw up. Finally the technicians was like "is it hot in here?" and turned a fan on. So she rushed our pictures, too, so we didn't get a good one of the face at all. And I don't have a scanner so I don't know how to get them on the computer (sorry). The baby is measuring 21 weeks 3 days and I'm 21 weeks and 4 days so right on schedule with it's little 15 oz self. At least the Lord is providing health for this little babe. I've only gained 3 pounds this pregnancy, though. It's been a rough go here and doesn't seem to be letting up. Be praying for us...

Today is the ultrasound! I'm kind of hoping that there is no doubt of the sex so even someone like me can figure it out although we're saying we don't want to know. Is that sneaky? Maybe, but I really want to know. Oh, and Anthony doesn't want to know, that's why I feel the need to be sneaky sneaky. I guess we'll see. If not, that's totally fine. I'm just really excited to see the baby! I am still waiting for Anthony and Tristan to be able to feel the baby kick. So far it's so sporadic and soft that you can only sometimes feel it on the outside and I don't know when it'll kick. And when the baby does kick, I always try to get Anthony to put his hand to feel it...and then the baby stops. Darn turd. haha Oh baby, I'm so excited to meet you. You're going to have a mommy and daddy who LOVE you so darn much. We already do, and you're still just a bun in the oven. And let me tell you, that big brother is going to be the best! He's s...

Anthony & I have been talking about our situation to other staff members here. Some completely understand and some don't. It's most interesting to me that the Christians here (of course, we haven't talked to all of them) have said maybe Satan is using our feelings to give us doubt of why we're here or that God will protect us while we're here (in regards to my stress on the new baby). But it occurs to me that it could be God using our feelings to lead us out of here, it could be God using my stress to lead us out of here. God is limitless and I don't pretend to know him. But I know that as Anthony & I have talked about searching for jobs back in Nebraska, we both feel at peace. And peace comes from God; Satan doesn't use peace to get his way. Am I sure this is God's Will? No, but I'm also not sure it was God's Will for us to come. I had some serious doubts before we came that I never shared with Anthony, so maybe we weren't meant to b...

I have never failed anything in my life (except a Spanish test which I dropped later...). But I feel like I'm failing this job. No matter who tells me that I'm doing well, even my own husband. My heart just hurts here and I want it to stop. I don't know why we were brought here but I don't feel like this is where we're supposed to be. I feel like I am not a good mom here. I use all of my patience on other kids and have none left over for Moose. And I HATE that. I haven't taught him a new sign in so long, I don't even remember the last one. And don't even get me started on how I feel I'm doing as a wife... I could sleep all day if I could. And that's all I feel like doing lately (and it's not the normal pregnancy tired feelings). I feel trapped here. Some of the boys say this feels like a prison, but to me it feels like hell. The only difference is that it's always hot in our house (not cold) and I know God's here. Not that I ca...

I apologize for my lack of posts and more so for my lack of interesting posts. Right now I'm just really frustrated with my job and I have nowhere to vent and when I do, I mostly do it on my other blog to prevent breaking HIPA (HIPPA? whatever). So basically it just gets bottled up and comes out at the wrong times with tears. Which makes me even more frustrated because I really can't do my job if I'm crying. And I try really hard not to, but especially these last couple of days have really irked me off. I am just sick of the drama that should be saved for the girls' house. I am tired of spoiled, lazy kids who complain about going to school for 2 hours a day or being asked to do a chore correctly. It's ridiculous, seriously. I think this snow brought a bought of crazy with it. Thank God, next month, we have scheduled a very short vacation for us. We thought this appropriate to do before I get too big to be comfortable on a plane (or so large they won't let me on....