speed. I am speed.

I may not be Lightning McQueen but I sure have ran fast my last two runs! *Disclaimer: I know these times aren't really fast but they are really fast for me.*

On Wednesday, the weather was so beautiful (50 degrees) and Moose had been asking to go to the race track (high school track) for a few days. So I put on my running gear with the plans to run 3 miles while my boys piddled around on the track and football field. Great plan, right?

Two laps in, Moose said, "I want to go home." Um... so I pulled out the "hey, there are crackers in your backpack." While my kids devoured half a sleeve of crackers (can't believe it wasn't more), I finished my other 10 laps. Those laps averaged out to 8:57-minute miles (26:51).

I'm sure part of that was a flat track, but I'm still going to take it! I was without my iPod so listening to myself breathe was awful. Another part was the need to get it done before my kids said they wanted to go home or start throwing fits.

Then last night, I went up to the gym at 5:55. Big A had a basketball game at 7:00 and I had 5 miles on the schedule. I ran at 6.5 for the majority of the run (some was at 6.0, 9.0...it varied). Phew! I was tired - so tired. But I knew it was more mental than anything. And it was a good tired, not a lazy tired.

Unfortunately, when I got home, Moose thought he was going to the basketball game (hat and coat on), so I gave it and we got ready to go. I showered, took Squirt potty (and added plastic pants and pants to his outfit), got shoes and coats on everyone. I took candy canes and suckers up with me, grabbed an apple (I hadn't eaten supper yet) and water for myself. Then we hit the road back to the gym to watch Big A's team win (at least I'm fairly certain they won; you know I don't actually get to watch the game).

So, while, I won't be running in the Olympics (or the Olympic trials) any time soon, it's been good to find out that I'm faster than I thought I was. Well on my way to my 2:00:00 half marathon.

Maybe someday I will be "triple speed."

Writer's Workshop: How I Became a SAHM

Moose was born July 1, 2007 all perfect and beautiful, like all other babies are to their mothers. I spent the rest of that summer, feeding, sleeping, changing diapers, and loving on this sweet little piece of creation that God gave me. In September 2007, I started my senior year of college.

Everyone (everyone and their dog, to be exact) told me that the first day of daycare would be hard and then it would get easier. I had arranged for a friend to watch Moose most of the time, but when she and I had a class together he would go to the school daycare. The best circumstances we could afford (we paid this girl just next to nothing, literally).

Note to everyone (and their dog) who said it would get easier: you were WRONG! For me, it got harder and harder and harder. Months into my semester and I was miserable leaving my sweet baby in the care of anyone but myself. I didn't know if he was fed on time, if he cried when I left, if he watched tv all day. And I hated that. I wanted to kiss his boo-boos and cuddle with him and feed him.

When the time came to start student teaching, I had my assigned school already. A good school I was excited to go to... there was just one problem - I didn't want to do it. Big A was supportive but kind of at a loss. I wanted to finish my degree; I had to! Not only internally driven, my dad had made us promise I would finish my degree when he agreed to give my hand in marriage. But mostly I really needed to for myself.

I can't remember how the events occurred but Big A and I figured out that it would be more expensive (and virtually impossible for us to afford) for me to student teach. I couldn't work (or I would NEVER see my family) and we would be paying out of pocket for child care (expensive child care). So, really, it was more prudent for us to have me stay home and make no money than to spend money and student teach.

Then there was the problem with my degree. I needed a degree. I'm a very educated, nerdy, book-worm geek that can't not finish something she starts. I called my professor (not sure if I couldn't get through to my advisor but this wasn't my advisor), a very liberal man that I enjoyed but had a hard time with his lack of religion. He told me to calm down (I was crying) and to come in and we'd figure it out.

My school had stopped allowing independent study classes, but my professor signed off on, like 2 or 3 IS classes for me. Then he allowed me to enroll in two of his classes but not attend the classes (do the work outside of the classes) and meet with him when my schedule allowed. One was a night film study class and the other was a Shakespeare class that conflicted with one of my other classes I needed. So I met with my professor 1-2 hours a week and took 3-4 classes with him (film studies, Shakespeare, World Lit...and maybe one other). And in May of 2008, I graduated with a BS in English (non-teaching) and began my life as a stay-at-home mom (SAHM).

I haven't looked back since. Even on the hard days, on the really hard days in the midst of autism and potty training and speech therapy and puke, there's not one job in the world I would rather be doing. There are no other people I'd rather spend my days with than these two ridiculously adorable little boys.

popping bubbles

even 4-year-olds are intrigued by baby toys

and 2-year-olds are narcissistic just a little

do the Mario...

I wrote this post as part of Mama Kat's (pretty much world famous) Writer's Workshop. Link up your WW with Mama Kat here.

decisions

I have been blessed to be a full-time SAHM for about 4 years now. I never thought that would be me - sitting at home, watching soap operas, folding laundry. Well, minus the soap operas, that's me! And I love it. Even the tantrums and poopy pants don't negate the time spent cuddling, reading books, dancing, blowing bubbles (and bubbles and bubbles and bubbles). The smiles given at just the moment when you think you can't stay in this house any longer. The well-timed movie quote that either cracks you up or lifts your heart.
I know those moments can come after work hours, but I really love that I can have the quantity of time I do with my children. My boys aren't perfect; far from it, but there's not a job in the world I'd love more than this one.
However, my time with them is numbered (unless #3 comes along...). Squirt turns 3 this summer; Moose will most likely be going to kindergarten next year (what???). That's 2 years at home. And then what? I've thrown around the idea of continuing to stay home (which I would LOVE to do), but I don't think that will happen.
So I've been thinking of my options. Student teach when Squirt is in kindergarten to fulfill my teaching certificate requirements. Not sure that this is possible; still need to check with my alma mater. But then I could teach or at the very least substitute as much as I wanted. I could become a book consultant for the books that my family loves: Usborne. I could continue to baby-sit (although I think Big A and I both realize this is not something I desire to do long term - although I do baby-sit some great little boys). I could umpire softball - which I think I want to do anyway (there's summer and high school). I could become a running coach - that would be awesome!!
A lot to think about. And it may seem like I have all the time in the world but as any mother knows, these tentative years go by so fast - faster than fast. So my time with them will be up soon and I'm going to have a decision to make. Until then, I'll research and enjoy my time with my sweetie pies.

Going Deep by Gordon MacDonald (review)

Have you ever wanted to be a deep person? I have. Ever since I started really living for the Lord in college, I've wanted to be deep. I've wanted to be educated about the Lord, welcoming to His people, in sync with the Lord. I've wanted a mentor - a deep person to teach me to be a deep person.

When I had the opportunity to pick a book to review, I was drawn to Going Deep by Gordon MacDonald. I can't say I chose the book by its cover but I definitely made a good choice choosing by its title. This book was just what I was looking for to challenge me.

Mr. MacDonald writes about a fictional church in New England. In the period of two years, you learn about Pastor MacDonald (GMAC) and his "great idea." This great idea turns into a group called Cultivating Deep People which is lead by him and his wife, Gail. They choose (not taking volunteers to the dismay of a few congregants) participants who they felt had what it took to be a leader in the church. Not in the way of being on pastoral staff (and not necessarily meaning that) but being a leader in a wider way. In a Christian, evangelical, spread-the-gospel kind of way. A leader who could later cultivate their own deep people.

I found so much about this book interesting. First, that I have never seen something like this in any church I've attended. I actually have set up a meeting to talk to our pastor about women and the lack of mentors in that aspect of our church. I so badly want someone to mentor me and I know there are other women in the church who want that - and others still who are capable of doing so. Titus 2 teaches the older women to teach the younger women. But where is that in the church today?

I think that if enough people read this book, they would want this and start forming CDP (Cultivating Deep People) groups in their churches. They would grow deep people who would grow deep people who would grow deep people and on and on. People that could be leaders in the church and in the wider world. I know that I want to be a deep person and the only bad thing about this book is that they don't offer the resources used. Well, MacDonald offers the resources he used but not the ones that he made up for his fictional CDP group (Paul/Titus connection).

The coolest thing about reading this was a friend of ours went to Denver Seminary where GMAC is a chancellor. Him and his wife could have taken a marriage class with MacDonald and his wife, Gail. That would have been even cooler.

Disclaimer: I received this book in order to facilitate an honest review. All opinions are my own. Others may or may not have the same experience(s) with the author, publisher, and/or book as I've had.

thank you, Lord

for bleach, Febreeze, candles, soap, and my washer and dryer. I think (I think??) sickness has finally left the S Clubhouse. Squirt got sick last night but I'm chalking it up to this: weakened stomach + crying fit (I brushed his hair, heaven forbid) = throw up.

Anyway, I'm gearing up to work with my first running coach on Monday! I'm so excited. Well, it's online coaching but she said she's starting me Monday. I just did a little workout (15 minutes worth) and I'm not dead (although I don't think my stomach could have taken a real Jillian DVD today). I feel pretty good. I'm ready to watch Courageous tonight (date night at church!!) and run tomorrow. This weekend will be some nice R&R (and probably a ton of laundry folding).

What's on your plate this weekend?

I've been slacking on the picture taking lately. I need to capture some memories (and wear bottom eye liner apparently).

Big A & I on our last date night!

sick house

Oh my... if this is how 2012 is going to go, can it be December 31st yet?? Squirt got sick on New Year's Eve. Then one of the little boys I baby-sit got sick here about a week ago. Squirt's been sick again (acting like he's teething but he has all of his teeth for now) for a few days (appetite is hardly there at all). Moose was up all.night.long. puking and otherwise.
Which means I was up all.night.long. dragging him to the toilet. That boys profusely hates to be sick. I was so proud of him for telling me he was going to be sick, though! But my stomach was crampy all night and I've been nauseous all night.
I laid on their floor all.night.long. on a crib mattress. I'd lay on my right side, roll over about 15 minutes later, my stomach would start cramping and about 15 minutes later, Moose would cry out like he does right before throwing up. It was probably every 30 minutes. Horrible.
Now I'm so tired. Watching Cars 2. Probably watching Cars after that. Maybe some Incredibles later.
Yep, going to lay back down.

Pinterest crafts

 We all know (or you should know) that I love Pinterest. I have several boards that I'm always adding to: food, crafts, clothes, hair, etc. I also love my readers, so I want you to know what I've been up to in regards to my pins (because I'm sure you're on the edge of your seats!).
 These are a few crafts I did around the Christmas season.

First up, the mother's nest with eggs. I originally made this when I taught this craft to my MOPS group, but then ended up making the charms for some friends for Christmas. My eggs are blue for my boys, not birthstones. :D

These bracelets are not the same, if you look closely. I made these for my sisters; I thought they were cute. I'm not sure if they liked them or not but oh well. I tried. They are tougher to make than they look; making sure it all stays tight enough.

This is just a variation on the mother's nest with eggs necklace. My SIL, MIL, and mom don't wear necklaces (that I've noticed), so I thought a keychain for each would be nice. This one was for my SIL for my nieces and nephew.

 This is my tree from a magazine. I'm always looking for what to do with my old magazines and this was pretty simple. It was time-consuming (took about an hour to fold all of those pages, but I was probably multi-tasking, too) and could have used a second magazine. I've seen where you can spray paint them but I wasn't that into it. I've honestly already thrown mine away but will probably make another next year.

Any pins catch your eye lately?

winners!

The winner of the Bob's Red Mill All-Purpose Flour is #3 (chosen by random.org): Catherine Agnes!

The winner of the Mediterranean Snacks Lentil Chips multi-pack is #7 (chosen by random.org): Deanna G!

Thank you to everyone who entered!!

bye-bye pa-pa

Squirt got sick on New Year's Eve in the midst of our celebration. He was jumping in the ball pit we got from Grandma Fonda and Auntie Amber for their birthday and .... just spewed everywhere (so maybe the title to this post should also say bye-bye ball pit because I was not cleaning out all of those crevices. Yuck). And the poor kid just kept going, so I got to enjoy the rest of the festivities (playing board games!) while Big A got to (chose to) hang out with Squirt in his room to avoid more clean up than necessary (he even slept in Moose's bed while Moose got to cuddle with mama!!).

last picture with the pa-pa (back in October)

 The boy made it through that night without his pa-pa (pacifier). Just plumb fell asleep without it. So...Big A & I decided that if he could go without it while being sick, then it was time to just chuck it. And we did. He asked for it the next day at nap time, but we just told him, "when you got sick your pa-pa got dirty so no more pa-pa." He cried a little (very little) and then went to sleep.

  After the first two days or so, I haven't heard one word about the beloved pa-pa. Now, we'll see what he says this week when I baby-sit. T, the baby, is 8 months old and uses a pacifier - one different than Squirt's old one, but still, we'll see. I doubt it will cause a ruckus but even if it does, he's not getting it back.

Good job, big boy Squirt! Next up? Diapers!! Well, when his little body stops being every 5 minutes, we'll get on to diapers. We've tried a few times without success, but luckily, he's very accommodating to sit on the potty whenever I ask. We'll try again in a few weeks, see if he's ready, and then go with it. OR I'm going to trade kids with my friend Kara who has her little guy (with the same name as Squirt) potty trained. Then I'll take his pacifier and she'll take mine's diapers. :) Right, Kara?

So anyway, bye-bye pa-pa. You were a lifesaver for this mama for many months, but it's time to let you go!

second opinions

After our first appointment with an allergist, Dr. B, we were not happy with the entire experience. His tests showed that Moose was allergic to everything under the sun: molds, grasses, foods, animals. He's never had a rash or any sort of reaction (although this doctor said he had neurological reactions); and the only allergy tie-in I've ever seen to autism is to gluten and casein (proteins found in wheat and dairy). I had read/heard about many testimonials from parents of other ASD kids who have seen improvements (usually on a large scale) when their child was placed on a GFCF (gluten-free, casein-free) diet. I believe that most of these kids had GI (gastrointestinal) problems and/or allergies to gluten/casein - Moose does not have any GI problems.

skin tests at Dr. B's 10/11

Now, I'm level-headed enough to realize that scientists and medical professionals do not always recommend this diet because there is not enough proof about it. I also know that sometimes doctors don't know their patients as well as their parents. I also know that parents sometimes hope for a cure so badly that they see things that aren't there, see improvements where there are none. I also realize that sometimes kids improve by maturing, by other therapies, etc. I didn't want to hope for something so badly that I saw something where there was nothing.

So we were trying the GFCF diet, very loosely. It's kind of a hard transition if you ask me (if you are making this transition and would like to attend a seminar online about the transition please email me ASAP - this starts this Wednesday. I won a free registration awhile back and it could be yours!). Anyway, Moose was basically drinking almond milk instead of cow's milk. The other stuff was so sporadic that it hardly counted. We have noticed improvements in his speech. Again, though, who is to say that it's not from him maturing and figuring things out? I don't know. He's not in any therapy otherwise (although we're starting a study on Tuesday that is going to teach me some ABA strategies!).

Back to the allergist. We had so many red flags form our visit with Dr. B. Not answering questions, not board certified (which I didn't find out until after our visit), giving our son an allergy shot that day for environmental allergens (remember when I said there's no links between autism and anything other than gluten/casein?), and other things that just were off. Big A is adamant that he felt our son was treated as a lab rat. I was upset that the nurse told Moose the allergy shot wasn't going to hurt (no matter how small the needle, it will still hurt to some degree; I don't lie to my kid). The office was kind of unprofessional-looking; I didn't feel the waiting area felt sanitary; and they didn't shut the doors, even when giving shots or taking blood. Those are just strange things but it was the not answering questions (like why don't doctors want to give your allergy shots? and what are the side effects of this shot?) that really were on our red flag list.

We got the blood results back and they looked like the skin results: the kid could eat nothing and was allergic to everything - except Sycamore trees. 48 allergens in all according to his skin tests (someone has mentioned that it was ridiculous to them that they would test for that many at one time). That just felt odd to us that there had not been ONE rash, one reaction to anything. Ever. In his life. So we wanted a second opinion.

Our regular family practitioner referred us to Dr. K. Dr. K sometimes comes to our town but we wanted the skin tests done that same day so we drove to his regular practice. Aesthetically, this was a medical building, like it should be. The nurse was really nice and the doctor was very pleasant. He watched Moose play, commented - seemed to genuinely take interest in him. He commented on how well-behaved he was.

Then he spoke with us about Dr. B. He's had several patients come to him after seeing Dr. B (a few are suing him!!) and not being happy with their results/his practices. Dr. K said that allergy shots, in order to be tweaked for each patient (since every patient has different needs) takes his office 3-6 weeks to get back from a lab (remember Moose got a shot the same day at Dr. B's office).

After the skin tests (only to test for foods since that was our concern - only 21 or 28 of them), I was shocked. Moose's back had NOT ONE welt, red mark. Well, one, the control. Otherwise, his back was perfectly clear. Contrast this to his back after skin tests at Dr. B's office: all red, all welty (not largely so but definitely welts). I asked Dr. K how this could be. He said (now, he doesn't know this for certain but this is his speculation) that you can twist or push hard enough with the things (can't think of the name) to make welts on anyone's back. I have also speculated myself that perhaps there was something in the solution. No matter how it was done, the difference in these test results shows that SOMETHING happened to make my son's back welt up.

skin tests Dr. K's 1/3/12

close up of skin tests 1/3/12 - the P is the control

So no allergies. Not even to gluten or casein. I cannot tell you how relieved and angry I was. Relieved that my son doesn't have to have such a major change to his diet. Angry that we were scammed. And that other families, well-intentioned families, are being scammed by this same man. I know that people have seen results with Dr. B (I've spoken with a few families that have seen him), but this is concerning to me. Not that they've seen results but that our experience shows that something is up.

Needless to say, we will not be pursuing a GFCF diet for Moose. I feel such a peace about this decision and these results. It's hard to wrap my head around the contrast in appointments we had. It's hard for me to not be angry I had to put my son through another set of skin testing. Later when we got back from Dr. K's office, I pulled his shirt up to look to make sure the control welt was gone. Moose said, "no more hurt back." I about cried. No baby, no more hurt back.

EDIT TO ADD: I had an anonymous commenter say this: "your first "allergist may have given your son a shot of steriods , sometimes called an allergy shot, to calm down the reaction from the "allergy shots"...this may explain the lack of reaction on test #2...esp. if these were done fairly close together. yes, i do believe that some doctors are not what they seem,... and the #2 results are correct...just something to think about..."  The allergy shot given by the first allergist was an allergy shot meant to help with environmental allergens, not a steroid shot. They did explain that to us. These tests weren't given that close together (October and January) so even if they had given a steroid shot (which I want to be clear, they didn't), steroids would have worn off by over 2 months later. They never even offered us anything like that, even with that awful reaction. So while this may explain it, in our time frame and situation where I clearly know it was an allergy shot not a steroid shot, this doesn't explain it.