S Club Mama

Today we were at a mall, looking at a pair of sandals for Big A. We walked around because we had time before supper and ended up at Payless. I went in to try on some shoes, see if there's anything I like (because my black heels broke - boo). I didn't see much I liked (heels WAY too high for being this pregnant - ouch) and this guy and his mom were crowding me. So I walked out where I thought Big A & Moose were just walking around. I see them in a jewelry store. I go in and asked him what he was doing. He smiled and I told him let's go, I don't need anything in here (I mean, I have my wedding ring and I don't wear much more than that). He says he's looking so I go and look around Macy's or something like that. I walk back out and he comes up and asks for his wallet and check book. I tried to dissuade him: no I don't need this, please we need the money for the new baby and moving, etc. He insists. So I hand over the check book and wallet and go sit on ...

Just to update everyone in case my last post was vague. We turned in our 2 week resignation yesterday so our last day here is May 6th. We are moving back to Nebraska to Lincoln where Big A got a job. We don't have an apartment or house yet (so if you know of anything available that would fit a family of 4, give me the info please). We just are telling the boys today. It's even harder than I imagined. We only have one more to go and it's just heartwrenching. It's awful. I love them so much, it's so hard to say good-bye. They are family. No one's cried yet but we've definitely shocked them.

Yesterday we put in our 2 week notice. Last night we chickened out on telling our boys. It's just going to be so hard. As much as I've vented about work on here, it's because I needed to vent. But we have had such good moments, too, and we honestly love these boys. I didn't think I would love them. But somewhere in the last 3 months, they stole my heart. Some more than others, but really each of them has just something I love about them. I can't imagine telling them good-bye. I know that I need to because I don't see it in the best interest of anyone for us to have a newborn here. I will need to devote so much time to the new baby and that takes time away from Moose and the boys. That's not fair to the boys who really need someone's undivided attention. This is worse than a break-up. These boys have become our life - our family. But I know that I can't be the same teaching-parent in a few months that I am today. I need time with a new baby. It's ...

I do realize the title doesn't match the post. It's ok, just had to get that off my chest. I'm pretty sure I'm hitting the brink of craziness. And the rest of the campus isn't far behind me. There is SO much instability here, you can just feel it. This is not the same campus I visited in 2008, not at all. I can feel the difference in the tension all around me. I do have to say that I am blown away by Mrs. Lockard. I think that inside we are probably both going through some crazy times, but she is fantastic. And everyone on campus knows it. She does her job (and too many days, the job of others). She shouldn't have to wait a.n.y.t.i.m.e. to be certified because she is probably the best teaching-parent here. (Sorry to Mr. Lockard. I just haven't been around to see you teach as much as the Mrs. and she's prettier...haha I love you Laura). And I need therapy. I also promise, Kelsey, to take a picture of my belly getting bigger on a day when I don't look ...

Nah...not if I sound like I do on this video (which, according to Big A, I do). Isn't it weird how different we sound to ourselves than to others? Anyway, enjoy this video of my Guitar Hero baby!

Is it bad that last night I took down (and dusted off) my What to Expect When You're Expecting book. I flipped to my bookmark and it was on The Seventh Month. What??? Seventh month??? Slowly it dawned on me that I'm days away from being in my third trimester. DAYS AWAY! I said something to Big A and he counted back the months and sure enough...holy crap. Where did my second trimester go? I have barely gotten to really enjoy it, I've been SO busy. Sure, I love feeling the baby kick but...honestly? Big A has said he forgets I'm pregnant (I know..how when I'm big...I swear I'll take a picture of my progress soon) and I think I would too if it weren't for the major heartburn (this kid better have a MOUND of hair) and the kicks (if he or she could stop using the bladder as a punching bag at 2am, that'd be great, too). I'm so sad that it's almost over and I didn't realize it. Financially speaking, this may be our last kiddo. My last pregnancy. Of c...

Oh my freaking goodness, what a day. Our kid that, prior to our vacation, wasn't going to move over until May 1 and then, after our vacation, wasn't going to move over until Friday...moved in today. He's not even on a motivation level that he should be over here, but ok. Then while we were moving one kid out of his room in order for this new kid to have his own room (he moved early due to roommate conflicts, I guess), we found medication and pieces of cigarettes. Seriously, I don't see how this is going to be a good situation. Only one of our kids wanted this kid to move over...you should have seen the eyes roll and the sighs and big guff the other kids made. Our one spoiled kid said it's not going to be good because he has a temper and the new kid has a big mouth - I definitely see that not being good. Then the kid who wanted the new kid to move in is already copping an attitude. That will be fun to deal with. I don't know what to think. Venting to my mom only ...

Hello! Just a small update on my trip home. It was pretty good - things with the MIL are still intensely tense. And my family argues like sailors still. Overall, very nice to just hang out. Anthony's parents picked us up from the Kansas City airport. Right away, MIL was picking up Moose (fine) but he didn't really know her (I mean, it'd been 3 months and she wasn't exactly around before then much) so he reached out to me; she turns him away from me (not fine). Ugh...I have always hated when she does that! Anyway, the conversation on the way home was awful. I felt so awful for Big A. He kept trying to talk and when a response was needed, it was only the crickets chirping that you heard. So uncomfortable. Then the tenseness went on at the house. We felt like MIL was being like Martha in the Bible story, when the Lord came to visit Martha and Mary. Martha kept getting this and that ready and doing this and that, while Mary just sat at the feet of the Lord and talked and ma...

You have GOT to be kidding me! I feel like I have been going and going and going. I am so beyond burnt out. I am so beyond running on empty. I'm tired. I'm tired of people talking in circles about support and nothing getting done. I'm tired of getting up early and going to bed late. I'm tired of hearing about downtime but not getting any. I'm tired of hearing about how we could have downtime but not getting any help in getting it (did that make sense?). I'm tired of hearing I should be resting when I don't have time to rest. I'm tired of feeling like I'm going to collapse from exhaustion but can't sleep because my mind keeps racing at a pace my body can't keep up with. I'm tired. Please, Saturday, hurry up and get here....and Lord help me pull some energy out of my butt or else I'm not going to make it.