Anthony & I have been talking about our situation to other staff members here. Some completely understand and some don't. It's most interesting to me that the Christians here (of course, we haven't talked to all of them) have said maybe Satan is using our feelings to give us doubt of why we're here or that God will protect us while we're here (in regards to my stress on the new baby). But it occurs to me that it could be God using our feelings to lead us out of here, it could be God using my stress to lead us out of here. God is limitless and I don't pretend to know him. But I know that as Anthony & I have talked about searching for jobs back in Nebraska, we both feel at peace. And peace comes from God; Satan doesn't use peace to get his way. Am I sure this is God's Will? No, but I'm also not sure it was God's Will for us to come. I had some serious doubts before we came that I never shared with Anthony, so maybe we weren't meant to be here. I mean, we're here and God uses us where we are, so this is in our plan. But maybe this was how God's Will also uses our free will - even if He didn't want us to come, we came so it's part of His Plan because He knows how our lives play out.
I'm sorry if this doesn't make sense. I just need to write out my feelings. I feel at peace. I know we won't be leaving tomorrow or even the end of the month. But I think God is leading us back to Nebraska for whatever reason.
So why were we here? Maybe to realize how good we had it before we came, even though we were POOR. Maybe to have a doctor tell me I need a c-section seeing as our Nebraska doctor was set to deliver vaginally (and if that'd happened and I'd had the same thing happen again, who knows if it would have been repairable). Maybe to plant seeds while we're here. God never sets a date on His Plan so maybe it was for us to be here for a few months...maybe or maybe not. I don't like to guess His Plans.
All I can do is pray about it and allow God to talk to me, just as I've been doing.
Anyway, I really appreciate all of the encouragement I've been getting lately. Without going to church here, I've been missing that Christian aspect of my life (although I do get encouragement from our friends out here; we're just both busy so it's sad we don't see much of one another).
If you hear of any good jobs in Nebraska, let me know. lol