The Cranky Mom Fix by Becky Kopitzke (book review)

For 12 years now I've been a mom who struggles with my temper, my patience. God has grown me in many ways in this area and yet I haven't conquered this sin. Now, hear me, the emotions I feel (anger, annoyance, frustration, etc) are not sins, but my reactions to them are. I've read several books in the past to help my growth, and The Cranky Mom Fix by Becky Kopitzke is among my very favorites.

The subtitle is exactly the thing I want in my life: "Get a Happier, More Peaceful Home by Slaying the 'Momster" in All of Us." I'll admit it - I'm a Momster. My kids have endured my grown up temper tantrums more than they ever deserved. Yes, they disobey and hit one another and such things that children do, but my reactions haven't been the most gentle (once in awhile, I'll get a Holy Spirit controlled victory where my actions show the fruit in my life!). 

In The Cranky Mom Fix, Kopitzke breaks things up into sections. The first section is about us, our triggers, what we can do instead, self-care, etc. The second section is about our kids: meeting them where they are, respect, and family meetings. The next section is about discipline and family rules. Finally, there is the section on F.U.N. Each section in my book is marked up with highlights and notes and dog-eared pages. I've printed off things from her website www.beckykopitzke.com/crankymomfix and hung them on our walls.

What I liked: I enjoy books that I can take practical ideas from and implement them right away. This has little sections that are separate from the main text of the book (off set by a gray background) with very practical ideas, examples, tips.

There is so much to like in this book but I'm going to share just a few things that stuck hard in my heart. Looking at my triggers, I realized that I have a lot of them. With those triggers, I can practice gentle answers. "[Example] 'Hurry up! We're going to be late!' OR [Gentle Translation] 'Let's have a race! See if you can get your jacket on faster than I can." I think of phrases that I would usually holler or bark, I can write them out beforehand to use at the appropriate time. It's like pre-teaching myself!

image via beckykopitzke.com/crankymomfix

Another thing from the book I'm already implementing are her three family rules: 1) Obey the first time (or Obey Fast for young children), 2) No disrespectful talk, and 3) No hurting someone on purpose (physically or emotionally), and P.S. Always Show Love. These encompass so much of our mom troubles (there's a printable version of these rules on her website)! With these rules come a 3 checkmark enforcement policy. The first two checkmarks are for training and then with the 3rd checkmark (broken rule), there is something taken away - something that hurts. My Princess has been without her little toy princesses a few times since establishing this in our home (she has a tendency to not obey by way of the slowest obedience possible and her mouth gets her into trouble), my oldest son is not enjoying his video game free day. I'm not 100% great at enforcing this - I have always tended to dole out consequences right away (sometimes that is appropriate) but I think this is a good tool to dig deeper in training with my kids, being intentional with helping them put off their old behavior and learn to put on the behavior that is expected (while being sure the heart is hearing and learning this above all...we don't want behavior modification!). I'm working on this one but I do love the simplicity of the rules. 

Another last thing I will share (although, I'm telling you that this book has a deep well of knowledge and practical tips for you) is F.U.N. - being sure your house is Forgiving, Unexpected, and Nurturing. Our kids will buck just about anything we teach them if we don't show them forgiveness and grace. I need to be sure my home is safe for mistakes; they know they won't get harsh words or treatment for being kids (or even fools learning). God doesn't treat us that way. Unexpected fun - a day of "yes" or ice cream for supper - not all the time, but fun brings about joy! We want to be people our kids want to hang out with, people that they want to bring friends home to. And nurturing their interests is so important to creating a relationship with our kids. I don't always share the interests of my kids and I don't always want to play with them or read to them when they want me to (all the time). However, I hope that by creating shared interests or at least intently listening to their interests, that will lead to open conversations later in life about things that matter.

image via beckykopitzke.com/crankymomfix

What I didn't like: I don't share the same discipline style as Kopitzke. I am wary of discipline styles that completely dismiss other styles. I think that too often, so-called "grace based" discipline doesn't really discipline.

Overall, I really loved this book. I took away so many points, I'll need to re-read it again, which never happens! I don't normally want to go back and read books again. But I have a wide age gap in my children and so what works for my first "set" of kids may not work for my second "set" so I can go back through the book and mine some more gems.

Disclaimer: I received this book in order to write an honest review. All opinions are my own and may differ from your own.