Mothers and Sons by Emerson Eggerichs, PhD (book review & giveaway)
Calling all "Love and Respect" junkies! Emerson Eggerichs has a new book out called "Mother and Son" and it's fantastic!
image via Amazon
With two sons I dearly love, I was drawn to this book because I have found myself grumpy and angry and rude to my boys (and probably everyone else around me). Part of that is the physical stuff I'm going through, but much of it is just like in the book of James says in 3:3-12:
"3 When we put bits into the mouths of horses to make them obey us, we can turn the whole animal.4 Or take ships as an example. Although they are so large and are driven by strong winds, they are steered by a very small rudder wherever the pilot wants to go.5 Likewise, the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark.6 The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.
7 All kinds of animals, birds, reptiles and sea creatures are being tamed and have been tamed by mankind,8 but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison.
9 With the tongue we praise our Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings, who have been made in God’s likeness.10 Out of the same mouth come praise and cursing. My brothers and sisters, this should not be.11 Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?12 My brothers and sisters, can a fig tree bear olives, or a grapevine bear figs?Neither can a salt spring produce fresh water."
With the same mouth I kiss my sons (and daughter) and say, "I love you," I yell at them, the very ones that God has blessed me with, the ones He has left me responsible for (which is a total honor). And I've tried for years to tame this tongue; it's undoing a lifetime of cursing and whining and other vocal sins. I've done no yelling challenges, memorized verses about anger and all of the above, and just given it my all. No joke. Which actually seemed to make it worse when my roof blew. I was the Proverbs 25:24 woman: "It is better to live in a corner of the roof than in a house shared with a contentious woman."
Yet, I keep trying because I know some day God will refine me to a place of not being a yelling monster, to be love like it is shown in 1 Corinthians 13 - patient, kind, not self-seeking, not rude. And I believe "Mothers and Sons" is a stepping stone for me to that place.
It's hard because it is not natural for me to speak "Respect-talk." To say things like, "Moose, I understand and respect that you want to speak your own mind and have your own opinions. That is who God is making you to be and I respect that but we need to figure out a way for you to do this, to have opinions, without being rude." That's not natural for me to say, but I think it's helping me think about what I'm saying and what I want to get through to my boys.
It's not a hat trick. I don't want behavior modification for my kids or myself. It's understanding how my boys' brains work and I how I can meet their needs with GUIDES:
1. Give so a child's basic physical needs can be met.
2. Understand so a child is not provoke or exhausted.
3. Instruct so your child can know and apply God's wisdom.
4. Discipline so your child can correct poor choices.
5. Encourage so your child can courageously develop God-given gifts.
6. Supplicate in prayer so your child can experience God's touch and truth.
Now, children often speak rudely or disrespectfully. 1 Corinthians 13:11 says, "When I was a child, I used to speak like a child, think like a child, reason like a child; when I became a man, I did away with childish things." I read something that asked why we expect kids to be perfect and why we don't expect sin from them when they are sinners (as we are). I think when we have reasonable expectations, it makes life better. But "Mothers and Sons" tells us to "not take all of this so personally." I take my children's sins and make them personal but they aren't. They are merely sinners doing what comes naturally and I am here as a conduit to help refine them.
Another gem out of this book is that "my response is my responsibility." My children don't make me mad or make me yell. That is junk. I react to them rather than respond to them like an adult, a mature human being. I allow my sinful nature to take control and that's my responsibility. I plan to take responsibility and continue to try respect my sons and my husband and my daughter.
I learned men and boys have six desires: CHAIRS-
Conquest, Heirarchy, Authority, Insight, Relationship, Sexuality. How do I use the GUIDES to help my boys fulfill their needs to CHAIRS?
I don't want to give away so much because there is so much good in this book. I have been using "Respect-Talk" for several weeks now and it's not perfect, but I think it's repaired some of the damage I've done in the relationships with my boys. I have some good news for all of you moms out there, too:
I get to give away one (1) copy of "Mother and Son" for one of you! I'll make it painless to enter, but please leave an email address where I can send you an email if you win.
TO ENTER (Mandatory): Leave me the title and author of the best parenting book you've read (or even Facebook article you've read).
Disclaimer: Void where prohibited. Open to US continental residents 18 and over. Giveaway will end September 13, 2016 at 11:59pm (CST). I received this book in order to write an honest review. All opinions are my own and others' may differ.