Sometimes this parenting gig is super easy. No joke. Easy. And then there are the other 364 days of the year.
I'm (slightly) joking. But it's hard! To know that the whole responsibility of this child's (these children's) well-being is placed in my well-meaning, but often incapable hands. I'm not knocking myself as a mom; I think I do a pretty good job, but for the most part I'm flying by the seat of my pants, trying to figure this stuff out as I go. As I think all parents do! Then you throw in a few special needs and it's just another loop on this rollercoaster (is this one word or two? I think one but spellcheck says two).
As we watched "Unbeaten: The Life of Brook Berringer," I was just in tears over the mother's loss of this young boy. And then I realized, she was so blessed - her son knew the Lord as his Savior before he died. As a mother, I want a LOT of things for my children - dreams fulfilled, dream jobs (even if that's a race car driver!), happy marriages, babies. I want things for my children.
BUT (insert Minions saying "butt" or "bottom" here as my 7-year-old would)
I want NOTHING more for my children than for them to know the Lord. I don't care if they live to 107 years old. I don't care if they play on a championship football team. I don't care if they marry their childhood sweethearts. I don't care if they get a college degree or work every day of their lives. If they don't know the Lord, they have nothing. Because all of this other stuff we work for in our lives and our children's lives: it's NOT ETERNAL!
The only thing of real value in this life is what travels to the next life: their souls. If they know the Lord, they have EVERYTHING.
And so I march on through parenthood. I teach. I discipline. I lecture (oops). I guide. I memorize alongside. I read to them. I play with them. I feed them (and feed them and feed them). I clean their clothes and paint their room. I make sure they have enough paper to draw as many race tracks and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as their hearts desire. I sing silly songs and do the "da-duh" thing (the Jaws theme??) even when I'm tired of doing it. I cuddle and kiss and hug and embarrass. I take them to church and the park and out for ice cream. I wash floors and teach them to clean toilets (that's right!). I watch movies that are dumb and You Tube videos that are dumber. I play video games and laugh when they box each other. I try and I try and most importantly I pray and I pray because I'm doing this all through the Holy Spirit's power in me.
If I didn't have the Holy Spirit, I can't imagine how awful of a mom I would be. Because even with it, I fail a lot. I am selfish and whiny. I complain and discipline when I shouldn't. I yell. I cry. a lot. But I say sorry a lot, too. And most of the stuff I'm whiny about, I end up not caring about in the end if it helps get my kids a better idea of God and His sacrifices.
I'm not 100% sure of this post and what it means. Other than, keep praying, keep trying, keep loving.