I am not the most patient of persons. I wear my heart on my sleeve. I have a short, fast fuse. I am that fool that all the Proverbs speak of. It's bad. I've known it was bad for a long while.
And then I was reading a devotional or my Bible study (I can't remember which) either yesterday or today (the days are swimming together). There it was: conviction. Not that made me feel guilty (I don't believe conviction is to make us feel that way because that's not God's way), but that made me repentful (not a word according to my word check but oh well).
The Lord loves me just the way I am. He loves you just the way you are. That does not mean he wants us to stay the way we are. He does not want me to have a short, fast fuse with little patience and be a mess emotionally whenever things go out of whack. He also does not want me to be passing this horrible habit (not trait, necessarily) on to my children.
Yet that's what I'm doing. I see their short fuses. Part of that is, yes, they are children with impulsive natures, but part of that is watching with their eyes and hearing with their ears. When I grab their little faces to get their attention instead of gently pulling their shoulders close. When I yell (scream at times) when I'm frustrated over things they can't control (or even things they can that are of little consequence). When my son continues to allow fear to enslave him. When one son hits another out of frustration or annoyance. When one tells the other to stop something that annoys them (instead of bearing with it in love).
Lord, forgive me. These children are my responsibility and my love; I want them to have fruits of the Spirit, not fruits of the enemy. Those latter fruits come to destroy and lead to death. Your Fruit is blessed and leads to life!
So, friends, I'm sharing with you another blog that has really pierced this point to my heart. Let's call it my blue tassel meant to remind me. I'll need more of them so don't feel afraid to send me a nudge.
Lysa TerKeurst shared on the (in)courage site today:
"Love can empower me to feel hurt without becoming a person consumed by that hurt…
I can feel offended but I don’t have to be offended.
I can feel insecure but I don’t have to act insecure.
I can feel angry but I don’t have to respond angry.
That’s the choice love makes."
Amen, sister Lysa! I want to be that love. I will be that love through Christ who gives me strength and all I need. He is my Provider and He will provide me many opportunities for growth and perseverance through my children and life.
Dear friends, you are not alone in being a mess of your emotions! Let us not feel alone but feel empowered by Christ that none have ever felt a temptation uncommon to man (or woman). Our Lord painted a perfect picture of not letting his emotions enslave him. He was not a mess on the cross; he was not a mess when debating with the Pharisees and religious leaders; he was not a mess as he was betrayed and beaten and humiliated. May I model emotional control as my Father has taught me.