adjusting

Five days a week, Moose is gone from 8am until 3pm. With the supper rush and bedtime routine, I really don't see much of him during the week. This being the first full week of school, we're still adjusting.

I expected this to be hard on me. I expected this to be hard on Squirt. I expected this to be hard on Moose. The only one left unscathed would be Big A (because he's at work all day, so it doesn't affect his day-to-day).

I didn't expect it to hit me so hard yesterday. Squirt had been asking for a few days to go pick up "Bubba" around noon. That was normal for us during the summer when he went to summer school three times a week. It's just very quiet, very open, and lonely without both of my boys here.

Not that I don't love spending one-on-one time with Squirt, but I feel like he's missing out on his brother. They play together virtually from sun up until sun down. Their lives revolve around one another. They play, they fight, they giggle, they snuggle, they punch each other. It's really hard, emotionally, with one.

In other ways it's super easy with one. One to drag around on errands. One attitude to fight - which, in this case, is the bigger attitude but still only one. No fighting to break up. It's not very loud, especially in the car. Wow! That was quiet.

I just can't tell if this is just me adjusting or what, but it's hard. There are those times in motherhood where people just don't tell you how hard things are:
breastfeeding
running on no sleep
keeping up with chores
keeping up with your marriage
sending your kids to school

Which, maybe I'm just wired different and it's not as hard for other moms. Maybe they don't think about it like I do because this is just what you do, you send your kids to school at 5 or 6 years old. I don't know.