Tuesday, May 8, 2012

maybe

My friend, K, posted this on her FB page (and her own blog). The clip is about 9 minutes long and totally worth the view. I know that this couple's story is very unlike my life and my marriage, but it gives me hope.

One thing I worried about when Moose was diagnosed with autism was, 'will he get married?' I think when you have children, you automatically think of grandchildren. To get grandchildren, there needs to be a marriage. Marriage is preceded by a wedding. A wedding is depicted as beautiful photographs of this happy little couple, all perfect. My son is not only not perfect (who is?) but he's different. That's always worried me because society doesn't like different. Girls don't like different in a boyfriend. At least I know I wouldn't have.

But maybe there's a girl out there who will love my son as much as I love him. And maybe one day he'll take her on an awkward first date. And maybe he'll court her and fall in love with her smile, her humor, her heart, her faith. And maybe one day he'll get down on one knee and ask her to make him the happiest man on the earth.

And if not, it doesn't mean his life will be bad, by any standards. I believe God has a plan for my son (sons), no matter what the path looks like. His path may be different. His path may include only himself or a wife. Perhaps children, perhaps not.

I know that God is good, no matter if my sons marry or not. Whether I have grandchildren or not. Whether I live the American dream or not.

I've thought long and hard about what my life would be like if it took a turn. My husband has the same chance as every other person on this planet of dying, early even. My sons are at risk for the same every day they wake up. I used to worry about my family dying and it's sad (maybe morbid even) to think about, but I know that by talking with God about the "what ifs" and giving them (the what ifs and my family) to Him, I know that I would be ok. Maybe not the first day or second month, but I would be. I would lean on the Lord and He would lead me through the heartache. My life would never be the same, but my faith would not leave.

You just can't tell what loop life will throw you through. You can't really prepare for disasters (read that, you dooms dayers!), but you can prepare your heart by really batting down the hatches in your relationship with the Messiah, Jesus Christ. He is the only really solid relationship you'll ever have. He'll never leave you, He'll never change.

2 comments:

Matt + Kait said...

Isn't it such a good thing that God doesn't base His plan for our lives with exactly what we desire? You would have never planned to have an autistic son, but what a blessing he has become to you and many others. I really appreciate your perspective!

Linda said...

Thanks for writing this! I've been kind of feeling sad that none of my kids are married or have anyone even in the running right now. But I don't feel like I can write about it because I don't want them to think that I think there is something wrong with them.

I worry that I did something wrong and made them into people who don't know how to have relationships or something. It is so easy to have irrational fears and even rational fears about your kids.

God is full of surprises. Whether or not they include marriage for our kids is part of the surprise, I guess!

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