...without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation. Philippians 2:14-15
I know this verse by heart. I have taught it to my children. And yet, I forget. Always, forgetting. I feel like the Israelites grumbling in the desert. No water, no food, but the ultimate God leading...and yet, they forgot. I have a house, 2 children, 1 husband who supports me in every way imaginable, and the ultimate God leading...and yet, I forget.
I am ungrateful, envious, lazy, grumpy, angry, gossipy, and many other sinful characteristics. Now, I'm not being hard on myself. I have many good characteristics, even godly ones. But my faults and my strengths don't offset one another; they don't touch. Just as God cannot be around evil, when my sinful nature takes the lead, I am not following God's lead.
And it all comes down to choice. I can choose to be grateful, to look at my blessings, to remember that I am not first (nor do I want to be first). Life is not about me and my priorities. Life is not about my wants, or sometimes even about my needs. I am not first. When I remember that He is first and I am not, my heart turns to the eucharist. I am thankful. I see the blessings. The veil is lifted and I can breathe.
But I must remember. Isn't that what Easter is about? Not the Easter bunny or Cadbury cream eggs or even Peeps (as good as those are). It's about a Savior who is first who made Himself last. Last to put us first, even to the death. Last to rise out of the grave, to beat death and Satan, to win forever.