mirror image

Tonight (I'm writing on Friday), I was getting the boys ready for bed. I had the door to their room closed to let their space heater heat things up before bed. We were in the "hallway" and Squirt reached up to his growth chart and tore it down. It ripped the top section off.

Not a big deal, right? But how do I react? "No! Oh Squirt, why did you do that?!" Not yelling but definitely not calm. And then, a mirror was put up to my face...

Moose's whole body tensed up as he reached for his brother and squeezed him. And what did I do? Yelled at him...making him and Squirt both start to cry.

Lately, we have been having problems with Moose's...temper, I guess. He gets frustrated and squeezes people (or in one instance, he took a classmate by the neck). And tonight, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

He reacts physically how I react emotionally. He has that instant response of "No!"

*heavy, heavy sigh*

I've spent the last hour cleaning up my downstairs slowly, putting everything away in its place...and praying. Apologizing, repenting, lamenting.

I'm sorry, Lord.
What have I done?
How do I change it?

His answers?
I forgive you.
It will be okay.
You don't. I change it.

I have a temper. I don't physically hurt my children and I don't think they're emotionally scarred but I'm surely not helping them learn to cope and deal. Stuff happens and life is about how you react to those things. How will my children react to life's big crisis if I don't show them how to react properly to life's small things?

Pray for me.