Saturday, October 3, 2009

not the day I expected

I know I've talked about friendship and mom friends and other friends before. I just am having a hard time with this. I was having such a bad morning (arguing with Big A, not enough sleep, cranky baby, toddler who only wants to watch tv, didn't get to go visit doggies at the get the idea) and I had no one to call.
And I know I'm not the best friend in the world to the few (one? two?) I have. I don't call. There are two reasons for it: a) you have lives (either children or work) and I don't want to interrupt and b) fear of rejection - what if you don't pick up? What if you're too busy for me? I know that sounds very grade school but it's definitely a fear of mine.
I was reading a blog post about someone whose been friends with this other girl since she was 12 and all I could think of is that I don't have a friend like that. Most people have a friend from elementary school, high school. The only person I talk to from that far back is my cousin and that's really rare other than the Facebook comments.
My college friends...oh wow, I haven't talked to most of them in months (if not more). I might run into one of them or go to a BBQ of theirs, but I just don't feel like I can call.
For as many people as I know and as great as the bloggy friendships I've made, they just haven't added up to the real thing (I don't even know many of your first names). I just wish I could call someone up who would listen (and care) about what's going on, no matter how insignificant (and sometimes it's complaining about a husband or kids this friend may or may not have or just to how fat I'm feeling or could we just go mall walk and window shop sometime). I am just in some serious need of girl-time and there's no estrogen in this house other than my own. Maybe I just need a cat.

Ok, I'm not going to say my life sucks waa-waa poor me (because if you saw my last post, I know my life is good), but am I the only one like this? Do you have someone who you call when your husband is being a turd, your kids are being turds, or you just are having a bad day?

And so this isn't a completely crap-filled post, I put up a picture of Moose & his girlfriend at a local fair. Aren't they cutie pies?


EmmaP said...

honey... this is why I am on a first-name basis with Gerardo, the guy that works at the drive thru window at mcdonalds. i have to leave and get my diet coke on a regular basis... btw, PLEASE EMAIL ME ANYTIME YOU NEED TO VENT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Orange Juice said...

I know exactly how you feel. exactly. I don't have friends from way back when I moved a kajillion times. My dad lives in another state my mom another county my in laws another country and I'm an only child. my DH's sibs all recenty moved out of state except 1 and she's only available last min on the fly and rarely to just chat w. My friend friends DO NOT have kids & don't understand. plan things & wonder why I can't make it & don't understand at all what I deal struggle with.
Its hard. I wish some of my bloggy friends lived here so I could do just what u up (all the time lol) and have REAL mommy friends.
I totally get it, I feel exactly how you do. I long for the same things.

Emma said...

I know how you feel too.. Friday I was feeling so sad and down. It was my birthday and Jon was at work and I felt so lonely.
My cold was getting worse and I just wanted hugs from somebody.
I have no one here in Evesham who I could just meet for a coffee , chat & hug..

I've tried to make friends, but now I'm older it's just more difficult.

I ended up phoning my little brother who I just had a random conversation with. Just comforted me knowing there was someone else at the other end of the phone.

I couldn't phone a friend now, it would just seem to weird. Since moving to Evesham to live with Jon (as it's his hometown).
My friends back home have just forgotten me.

I do try my best to stay in contact with them and see them. But it's difficult when they don't have a baby like me and have full time jobs.
And plus my local train service costs rather a lot to go there and back.

I Thank God everyday for what friendships I do have and of course for my bloggy friendships :)

By the way a Pram is I think in America called a buggy? Pushchair? Stroller?

Jen said...

I totally know how you feel. I went through a period in my life where I didn't think I needed girl friends but I was wrong.
It has taken work but I now have a couple good friends, in real life and on-line.
When you want to talk and can't sometimes email is the next best thing.

Shannon said...

i wish i lived in l town,

but since i don't i'll do the next best thing and promise not to tell if you guys do an arranged marriage. ;) the news would be all over you about how cruel it is...but i think it could be a good thing.

Alicia said...

oh girl....first of all, if you ever need can ALWAYS call me..seriously. and i know how you feel...i'm so thankful for my bestie, but i'd be lost without her...and even with friends, it can be lonely...but just know i value you and your friendship and have such a soft spot for your gorgeous boys!

Tiaras said...

friends are tough to come by - I have a few close friends who happen to live in other countries than I do - but no one close - thus the reason I blog!

LadyBug-Kellie said...

This post could have been written by me! I feel the same way. If I have good news, or have had a bad day, I don't have any friends to call. It's not a good feeling. I am trying to be more outgoing, I think I am just not good at making that extra effort, maybe for fear of rejection. Making friends is hard work for me, for some reason! Some people make friends so easily and so quick, but not me. Frustrating!

You are welcome to visit me at my blog anytime, and I am glad I stopped by to visit today!

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