the fruit of the spirit

Matthew 25
The Parable of the Ten Virgins¹"At that time the kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. ²Five of them were foolish and five were wise. ³The foolish ones took their lamps but did not take any oil with them. ⁴The wise, however, took oil in jars along with their lamps. ⁵The bridegroom was a long time in coming, and they all became drowsy and fell asleep.
⁶"At midnight the cry rang out: 'Here's the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!'⁷"Then all the virgins woke up and trimmed their lamps. ⁸The foolish ones said to the wise, 'Give us some of your oil; our lamps are going out.'
⁹" 'No,' they replied, 'there may not be enough for both us and you. Instead, go to those who sell oil and buy some for yourselves.'
¹⁰"But while they were on their way to buy the oil, the bridegroom arrived. The virgins who were ready went in with him to the wedding banquet. And the door was shut.
¹¹"Later the others also came. 'Sir! Sir!' they said. 'Open the door for us!'
¹²"But he replied, 'I tell you the truth, I don't know you.'
¹³"Therefore keep watch, because you do not know the day or the hour.

Today at church, this was the context the sermon was about. If you're a church goer, this parable is nothing new for you. It wasn't for me either, but I never thought about it quite like today.
We all know that we have no idea when the Lord is coming back. It could be now...or 10 years or 100 years, etc. We know we need to be prepared at no moments' notice for...whatever that will bring. I know I need to be ready. I need to keep watch as written in verse 13.
Our pastor told us a few things I didn't realize. The oil in this parable is the Holy Spirit. We need to not just say "I'm a Christian" but rather to have a relationship with Christ, be doused with the Holy Spirit. Walk the walk, not just talk the talk.
He spoke about how when we have dark moments in life, an illness or death that could potentially bring seeds of doubt into our faith, that those are the moments when we really truly know how our walk is going. We know by the perseverance of our faith. Where we turn in those times of need.
Even in mini-dark times, we will know where our walks are, where our relationship is. We will know by the fruits of the spirit. Are the fruits showing in your lives?
I'll tell you that having such a young baby has been sort of a mini-dark time for me. Maybe that doesn't sound right because he is a blessing, he really is. But I've found myself much more frustrated with this baby than the last. I have not been in the right with my relationship with God.
Yes, I love my son. Yes, he brings me joy and we have joyful moments. There are moments of peace, too. My patience is the largest lacking area. My kindness sometimes is not something to be desired. I try to be good and I feel I'm faithful. I don't give up on him. My gentleness and self-control are alright but still need much improvement. I'm not sure why this is a dark time, why it's so hard. I do know that I can't continue on my own. I've been trying (and...he's still alive and pretty happy), but I just need help.

Lord, I need You to help me be a better mother. One with more patience and more love to spread around. More involvement. More gentleness and kindness. I need You to show my kids love through me. Please.
Amen.