Kleenex forgiveness

Yesterday was my grandfather-in-law's funeral. Big A was a pallbearer so I had the kids to myself. I was going to ask my mom to come down to watch the kids during the funeral, and she actually offered but when I talked to my MIL she said nah, I could handle it and they'd be fine. We sat by my in-laws at the service and really they were a big help with Moose. I think it was good for MIL to have something to distract her, too, at least a bit.

Squirt slept through most of the service. Moose did really well, sitting on laps and listening. He played with cars and looked through picture albums and books. Only at the end did he throw a fit and it was mostly my fault because I thought it was done and started putting up cars and he said "car" really loudly a few times.

I have a question for any Catholics as this was a Catholic service. What was the smelly stuff that they wave around in the canister (I'm sorry, I don't mean any disrespect by this description, I just don't know the proper names)? It was potent.

After the service, the burial was an hour away so I took the boys to the park. Well, we got to the park and I realized I had NO water for a bottle. SO as Moose was SCREAMING at me "play" I loaded him back into the van to go to the grocery store. I know he thought I'd lied and I know he doesn't understand "we'll come back." I felt bad so I bought a think of Little Debbie cookie snacks (he had 3 by the time of lunch - oops) and a bouncy ball. THEN we went to the playground. We were there about an hour before I loaded us up.

We went to the hall where they were having the luncheon. We waited half an hour before anyone else showed up besides the ladies serving. And it was so hard to keep Moose out of the kitchen (the stove was on and the old ladies didn't mind him in the kitchen but I had to keep him away from getting burned). I was just exhausted by keeping up with him. Then one of Big A's aunts came and I thought maybe she'd want to hold the baby (only MIL's brother & one of the three sisters had seen Squirt previously...and this aunt lives in the same town as us), but nope. So I was feeding Squirt & running after Moose - that was fun. Needless to say I was ready for Big A to arrive!! Luckily by then my favorite of Big A's aunts had taken the baby so I could eat (see why she's my favorite? lol). We ate, we talked, Moose fell asleep, Squirt fell asleep, we talked and talked and talked. Then we drove home and rested.

And then last night I was feeding Squirt and I was just so exhausted. We've been running around so much lately and I'm just pooped. I just broke down and started to bawl. Big A asked what was wrong and I told him that I just don't think I can be up at night with Squirt (I get so frustrated anyway) when I'm so exhausted and actually keep him alive (ok that part's easy, but not yelling at the boys all day) during the day. Did anyone else just not have the energy or patience to be up at night with the baby? I feel like I'm the only woman who leans on her husband so much. I know I'm lucky because Big A does so much for me anyway. I know not a lot of guys help with chores and it seems even less help with babies, especially at night. I just...am tired.