Tuesday, August 4, 2009

The Motions - Matthew West

This might hurt
It’s not safe
But I know that I’ve gotta make a change
I don’t care
If I break
At least I’ll be feeling something
‘Cause just ok
Is not enough
Help me fight through the nothingness of life

I don’t wanna go through the motions
I don’t wanna go one more day
Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
I don’t wanna spend my whole life asking
What if I had given everything?
Instead of going through the motions

No regrets
Not this time
I’m gonna let my heart defeat my mind
Let Your love
Make me whole
I think I’m finally feeling something

Take me all the way
Take me all the way
Take me all the way

-I feel this way about so many things.
1. Of course, the Lord as the song pertains to. I really feel a calling to women's ministry. I'd like to start a MOPS group or even just a Bible study focused on women or moms or college-aged girls or high school-aged girls. My problem right now is that we aren't sure which church we're called to (our current church is planting a church) - we just want to be sure we're going where He wants us.
2. Motherhood. I love my kids, but right now I feel like I'm just surviving. I know a lot of it is just getting used to the new baby and trying to balance it all. Once the actual 24/7 of it stops (I'm praying in a few months when Squirt sleeps through the night), I think it'll get better. For now, I am just doing the best I can and trying to get a shower in here or there.
3. Marriage. The same goes for this area of life. I absolutely love Big A and couldn't do any of it without him. We're just both tired and I'm cranky. Again...I know I have to give it a few months.
4. Losing weight. I feel like I'm back at Square One, which I am. I'm almost the same weight as when I started losing with Moose and now I'm doing it with Squirt. It's just hard. Especially when I LOVE the way I look pregnant. I'm comfortable with myself and my body then (mostly). And then overnight, it all changes (or, in my case, in the morning). That's hard and it's hard to explain to Big A how that feels because it won't ever happen to him.

And thank you, to all of you who read this. I know that somewhere our there in Bloggyville, I have a few someones who listen and care. And that helps me out so much, it helps me get through this time of life.

Moose found his bubble maker, gtg. :)


Stacey said...

You know I always read... just don't always have time to comment! You're doing great. Just one day at a time!

Anonymous said...

hello lovely! How are you doing today? :) I've been reading your blog for the last few weeks even though I've not been commenting. Just doing it from kurts phone...which doesn't let me comment!! So...I love you! Sorry i didn't get to talk much the other day. Starting out is crazy cause we're always changing something, having meetings, etc. You know what i mean. I miss you and was wondering when you guys can come check out our new homestead!!!! Let me know! Love you!

Anonymous said...

grrrrrr! i had a comment posted but it disappeared. I'll type more later. i love you!

Happy said...

With regard to pregnancy weight...my dear you just HAD A BABY. Give it a little bit of time! You'll get to where you want to be, especially when little Squirt has you chasing him around too!

Marriage and raising our children is the hardest job out there. May I say that I'm learning a ton from that book I talked about called Feminine Appeal by Carolyn Mahaney.

Can I email you some stuff from it?

EmmaP said...

wow... great lyrics! i feel like this too so many days, of course for different reasons. sometimes I feel like i just need a good cleansing cry, and lately it seems more often than not :)

i think you are great to still blog. seriously, i think blogging (at least for me) helps to organize thoughts and out some logic into our thinking. It is awesome that you can not only recognize the things you are struggling with right now, but that your attitude is such that you realize you are not in a permanent state.

I know everyone says not to worry about weight at this stage. And I do agree. But I will say this. I did not worry too much about it, and I continued to gain weight with each child, and now I struggle. Whereas my friend, worked her butt off after each child and refused to get pregnant again until she had lost the weight from her last baby. I think that while there is/was some madness to her methods, she does look great! so, I say, if working out and losing weight makes you feel better, than do it when you're ready! I love coming here to read your blog. and like I've said before, even though we are at different stages of our lives, it gives me comfort that you are going through so much of what I did... i don't know why as I am past that stage of my life, but it just does.

God bless... oh, and by the way, i totally LOVE the new pic of the boys on here! :)

happy followers