Wednesday, April 23, 2008

officially a stay-at-home mom



I think tonight officially makes me a stay-at-home mom. Let me explain. I now (ok, not just now, it just came to blows tonight) came to term with the guilty feeling of not contributing monetarily to our household. No, my husband does not (mean to) make me feel this way. Basically we just had a fight where it came out that I'm feeling burnt out (more than just a little). I love staying at home with Moose, please don't misread this. I just need a break sometimes, and I haven't really gotten one lately (the past month or so). This isn't (entirely) A's fault. He's had to work on weekends (either for real work or fund raising for Warsaw), then there was the road rally, and Warsaw. I know it's been an abnormally busy month. It's just taken a toll on me. I know he would really love for me to be able to take some time off and go do something for myself. This brings me to my problem: money. I feel guilty when I buy ANYTHING (honestly, I called A a week or so ago to ask if I could buy a $2 shirt). Disclaimer: A does NOT lay guilt trips on me for spending money - never has, I doubt he ever will. But I feel guilty nonetheless. Which brings me to why I feel like I'm officially a stay-at-home mom: every parenting magazine or article I have read (which is a lot, mind you) has some section about "Big Debate: To Work or Not to Work." It's always working moms feeling guilty about working and staying home moms feeling guilty about staying home. Brings me back to that "I was a really good mom" book: let go of the guilt! Much easier said than done, I know.
Our plan is that when we move, I will (try to) babysit a few other kids during the day (no more than 3 other kids, preferably 2). That way we aren't as strapped for cash as we are now (which we won't be anyway because of the pay raise a new job will hopefully bring). BUT until then, how do you care for mommy without spending money? Every time you read something about becoming a new mommy, every mom and professional whatever says "take care of yourself first." In theory, I COMPLETELY agree. Monetarily, I disagree. Taking care of yourself (going to the spa, getting your nails done, buying a new shirt/outfit/shoes/purse, driving anywhere) requires dead presidents. What's a mom (or woman) to do? Good question. I'm going to explore this query and get back to you...
Oh, so we were going to go to the zoo on Sunday but there is a chance of rain (a small chance but you know if you went, it would rain) AND the stupid temperature is supposed to drop to 56 (with a "chilly" overhead) - too cold to spend outdoors at a zoo. Darn it. So now my plan is to get my homework done (yes, I still have a bit of homework left) and leave both boys at home to go to the choir concert.

1 comment:

Kathy said...

I was totally in your shoes when my fist daughter was born (she 4.5 now). I hated having to ask to spend money or being "talked" to when we were low on cash and I spent too much grocery shopping or something. I finally sat down and asked my husband how much I needed to make to be able to spend money and go shopping the way I'd like to. He gave me a number and I ran with it. I TOTALLY encourage moms to watch extra kids. I got my license to run a daycare (which was really easy to do) and it has actually turned out to be pretty lucrative for us. I now bring home almost as much as my husband does. He doesn't complain (as much) about our money situation, I feel like I'm contributing and can shop guilt free AND I get to stay home with my kids (who STILL drive me crazy and force me to need breaks). So I really encourage you to watch a couple kids on the side. It's not that hard once you get the hang of it and takes some pressure off the financial situation.

As far as a break goes, going for a walk is always nice especially with Spring here. Sometimes I'll go the library or bookstore and just read. You don't always have to spend money to enjoy peace and quiet. It's just more fun to spend money. ;)

Sorry for the novel...:)

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