Monday, April 14, 2008

I was a Really Good Mom Before I had Kids

So I'm reading this book about reinventing modern motherhood. Here's the jist: moms are overworked (whether they stay at home or work out of the home), under-appreciated, stressed out, have unreal expectations for themselves & their husbands, and have crappy husbands.
Although I COMPLETELY agree with some of the things in the book (like the guilt between staying at home or working and kind of losing myself), I don't think I have too high of expectations. Maybe that is because I have the superdad that this book talks about (that most women don't have). Adoes his fair share (sometimes more) of housework, he takes Moose off of my hands at nights and we share responsibilities on weekends (except this last weekend when he was totally in charge for the majority of it), and he gets up at night (and I usually don't). He says I tell him thank you and show my appreciation enough, but sometimes I don't think I do. I told him if I really showed him my appreciation, another kid would pop out.
Back to my expectations of myself. I'm real with myself. People wonder what a stay-at-home mom does all day. Well, I play with Moose, I read (out loud & to myself), we watch tv (gasp, yes, I let my kid watch tv although I'm trying to tone it down), sometimes we go for walks (weather permitting), we take naps. I also get homework done.
That is one area where this book lacks is talking about student mothers. I know I'm not the only one but homework adds a whole other tier of stress.
One thing I'm guilty of that this book talks about is judging others. Oh my gosh do I ever! Most of the time it's one of those "oh, that's not how I do it so it's not right." If any mothers read this, please do not kid yourself saying you are not like that. Validating yourself is natural but we shouldn't do it by saying someone else is wrong. I've actually noticed this before I started reading this book, and I have been trying to tell myself that even if someone else does things differently (like still using a baby tub for an almost year old kid) that it's not wrong, it's just their way. I'm sure so many people think I'm crazy/wrong for not wanting Tristan to use a sippy cup. Maybe I am and maybe later we'll give up and give in, but we just want him to learn how to use a cup first and try to not let him get SO attached to ONE CUP.
Anyway, if you're a mom or soon-t0-be-mom, get this book. You will laugh, maybe cry. But you will nod your head in agreement at one point or another.
I was a really good mom before I had kids by Trisha Ashworth and Amy Nobile

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